~Yaoi-Rox-Me-Sox

...but I couldn't stop reading. D: It was like watching Fear Factor or something. Like, I almost actually feel sick to my stomach, but yet couldn't stop until I'd finished.

Before we go on though, if there are any Twilight fans out there... perhaps you should leave. Now. Before I take a torch to you. D:<

Seriously, I have today and yesterday sat down and read what is basically a quick overview/parody of the first Twilight book, chapter by chapter. I realize that the book itself is probably better. But, considering the parody I just read does follow the plot (if one can call it that) and many comments on the different chapters reinforce some of the worse parts, it did manage to give me a taste of the horror that is that series.

Dear GOD, why do people read that? D:

Now, I've never read the books. Never wanted to. Yes, I like vampires, but I felt it screamed teenage-girl, and then my mom told me that a friend of her's from work (who's daughter read the series) said that the explanation of why the vampires can't go out in the sun is because they sparkle. Yes, that's right. Sparkle.

This is an insult to my love of the sexiness that is the blood-sucker.

But beyond slashing vampirism to shreds, the plot is, well, non-existant. And the main character sounds atrocious and screams Mary-Sue. And supposed there have been experts who say that Edward and Bella, the main couple, are practically the perfect image of abuser and abused. And... I can't even tell you. D:

So, go. Read it. I swear, it is freakin' histarical in a wow-I-fear-for-out-thirteen-year-olds way. And pity poor plot.

[link]

Now I'm off to wiki to read about the plot of the whole series and probably go barf afterwards. If there are Twilight fans still reading, I'm sorry if I offend. Really. I also am sorry that you don't have better taste.

The worst part? I have friends who are Twilight fiends, and I know that they will drag me to the movie. The only thing I have to look forward to is the scene where Edward sparkles. Everyone else will be like, "WOW OMG IT'S EDWARD OMG HAVE MY BABIES" while I am rolling in the aisles of the theater in tears from laughing so hard. SERIOUSLY. SPARKLING. ARE YOU FOR SERIOUS? xDDD